party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
