so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Randomize
