My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Randomize
