Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
