i may or may not be watching the land before time
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
