I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
