if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
