you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
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