question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
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