Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
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If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
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I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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