Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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