OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Randomize
