I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize
