I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
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