I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Someone shattered a urinal.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Randomize
