So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I love having hate sex.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
