Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
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