There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
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Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
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You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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