Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
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