the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
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Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
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you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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