its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Randomize
