Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
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