party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
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