There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
