so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
