I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
