i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
