Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Randomize
