and my herpes radar will keep us safe
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
