I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
