And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
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his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
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He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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