I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
