matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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