Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
