Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
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