she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
