She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
