Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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