I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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