guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Randomize
