You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
