just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
