I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
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