I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
