Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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