I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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