i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
