making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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