i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
