Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
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My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
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I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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