So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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