How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Randomize
