I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize