i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
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She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
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Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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