Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
