i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
