I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
