Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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