Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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