he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
