Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
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