No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
